Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
