It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
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Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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