And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
