Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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