im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
