life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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