I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
