After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
