The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
