So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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