i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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