I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
