She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
