She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
