I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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