She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
