why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
