Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
