i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize