So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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