We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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