I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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