I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
