we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
