how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Green mimosas i think yes
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
