i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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