As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We left the knife in your bed.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
