were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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