listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
