You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
