moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The air was thick with penises
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize