And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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