I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
