I'm really into asian looking animals
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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