I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
