I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
