Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
