I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
