Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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