hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
