FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
