he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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