Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you made out with another girl for some wings
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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