I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
