Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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