we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize