My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
