You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
