she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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