I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
