He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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