i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize