Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
