Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
