We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
