Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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