dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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