this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize