I only kidnapped one of them. chill
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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