I skipped work to stalk him.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
