i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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