Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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