Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
