the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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