Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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