so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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