I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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