you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
