He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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